part of saying sorry is in a sense to hear the other say that they are okay, that they are not so harmed, part of forgiving is to let the other off the hook.
what do you do oh when you are trying to make amends for any pain you have caused someone (one of the steps in the 12 step programme) and they do not take your calls. leave a message?
when i flt and lived my life as a victim it was easy to see my ex as an abuser who was so cruel but i also hurt him. in my pain and as a way to get love and sympathy i told people i was dying, friggin hell how crazy, anyway for many years I saw only his cruelty and so i got even worse, eventually i had a breakdown of sorts -i mean there is lots more to the story, but on to him, after breakdown i ran to another city, he followed me here, after two years we both got offered jobs back in our old hometown.
i didn’t go and he did, finally i was free of him but he wouldn’t let me go, eventually I blocked his number, we were messed up, co-dependant. we met up some time after, it was a release, a goodbye.
then the other day, many many years later, i thought about it and how messed up i was at the time, and such a victim, and so lost and actually so unconscious and just wanted to say sorry to him for the pain I must have also caused him.
i phoned. i left a message, been thinking about him, his kids are looking great i said , i said sorry for the pain i caused him, cheers.
it feels so empty that i didn’t get a chance to say it to him. what does one do…..i wanted to also say i forgive him, but i didn’t say it….
well, letting it go……i am so sorry that i hurt him and i forgive him for hurting me. there i said it.
even if he doesnt read i this just wanted to say it to someone.
(letter sent to my dearest friend mel, march 15, 2010) her wise advice :sometimes someone can’t be apologised to, you have done your bit)
Thank you mel for your wisdom xxx