I feel fed up with all this spirituality. i dont even know who i have become or even what is happening to me. old friends are spinning out of my life faster than i can focus and so many insights are coming into my space it is almost overhwleming. today i almost feel like i need time out. i wish i could disconnect like i could so easily in the old days. but flip once you start this path to ‘home’ it isnt easy to just switch off, to run away from what is becoming clearer to you that which must be your divine purpose.
i do feel however that i am spiritually exhausted from the search. In a period of ten days I have done some amazing things. I have taken part in a Four Elements (Water, Air, Fire, Earth) workshop in which I picked up the piece of myself that I saw as a broken ragdoll thrown aside and unwanted as a child, i saw that piece of me come to life, acknowledged, life breathed into her, and given flesh and blood.
Then I had what I believe was a regression during a healing session with katherine in which I was a warrior man carrying a very badly wounded woman, probably my wife (and definitely my mother in this lifetime) away from danger. The whole process was to put her down, and the huge guilt I had in doing that, and leaving her behind while I saved myself. But realising in doing that I was setting her free. It was a deep release.
Then I have been havin these strange dreams. One in which the Sacred Heart of Jesus was levitating at the foot of my bed and sending me unconditional love, and another in which I was playing in this deep blue and gold energy of a spirit with much bliss and gratitude.
This is all so weird to me, but it makes sense as well. (you see i am confused :))
Anyway yesterday assisted in an Earth healing with 50 other people and Dora on top of Table Mountain shortly after sunrise. I felt great gratitude to be part of helping in a small way.
A lot of thing sshifted for me, one in particular when i started to chant during the ceremony that dealt with the grid – it was the first time I have been able to chant in public and I realised that we all have to take our place in the grid even if we have “bad” voices and they are off key it doesn’t matter just so long as we are taking our place because if we don’t then there are just empty spaces and the healing work that has to be done cannot be done with gaping spaces. I knew to help I had to urgently start fulfilling my life’s purpose…..and that is where I just lost a bit of focus.
And that is where I find myself today. Exhausted. Pooped. A bit like someone who has run a long marathon and probably just needs some time to coccoon and take it all in. WHat to do, where is all this leading to…