I felt a part of me sigh with relief. I saw the faces of old friends, in scorn, relax into smiles, relief was in sight. As I typed my earlier post of doubting everything I heard their voices:”thankfully we have her back, we thought we’d lost her there.”
It wasnt until I went on the beach – sound advice from Katherine- and put my feet in the icy water and looked at the magnificence around me that I realised the Truth of this new path I am on. It causes friends in my life to feel uncomfortable, there are others still who I don’t even tell this to. My blog is not one I advertise to all. It makes people feel uncomfortable. It challenges their way in the world. Hell it even challenges my way in the world.
But one moment in conversation with God on the Beach and with the other Kingdoms that ensure my Path here, I could not doubt what I know. That all my experiences are real. That there is more on Earth and to Earth than we often see with our eyes.
Fear, resistance, anxiety heightened as I try and go from looping (doing the same thing over and over again) to breaking through to the other side. Pure and utter fear of the unknown and yet a sense of Protection, of being looked after.
Questioning everything is good if it is about discernment, but when it is about fear and an excuse to stay the same…perhaps then one has to then question those questions.
I don’t necessarily like the hard work that is involved in Transformation. I don’t necessarily like the inordinate amount of responsibility. Sometimes I want it to be just like it was when I was completely unaware. This Path is not always easy. The bliss is tremendous but often one can feel so alone, and lost and scared.
We try and make excuses to stay as we are, to not forge through. Today on the beach as I felt all the Kingdoms and God above surrounding me I surrendered.
Lord Thy Will not mine be done. It was a prayer I had said many many times in the dark hours of my life.
Complete surrender, and yet complete sense of the real work that lies ahead – probably for every day of my life here – so that I can vibrate exactly as I should to bring things into alignment, To, as Michael Jackson said: Make this a better place…for you and for me and the entire human race.
I am scared, don’t get me wrong. But there just is no going back, and that in itself is the scariest thing of all
God help me, please