if i only could…but i can

If I Could (el condor pasa) – Simon and Garfunkel

It was while dancing to this song, shortly after Chris de Burgh’s Patricia the Stripper song, in the Female workshop run by Dora (dora\’s website), that I started crying yesterday.

It was not an ordinary cry. It was from deep inside the bowels of me, from a wound that was older than time, the cry came from far inside my body and was teased up through the womb into the heart through the throat and out of my mouth.

It was a blood-curdling, heart-wrenching sob. Tears, stored up for time immemorial just flowed and flowed. they started coming slowly at first, dusty, unsure they were ready to leave the well of pain that had stored them, until finally like a crescendo, a water fall, they escaped.

At first there was the laughter while we all danced to Patricia The Stripper and then I felt the goosebumps and then, when the song If I Could started playing, the crying, the howling, the release started, and into the next song as I stood swaying, my body started to shake uncontrollably.

It was leaving me, that particular pain that I, and others, have harboured and housed for so many years , it was going, being transformed.

I guess that is why dora calls her workshops ‘transformational’. Something on a cellular level is changed, something is released. And layer upon layer, as the journey takes you closer to the Light and the Truth of who you really are, the freer you feel and the more intense the feeling of peace.

And in my healing yesterday as I heard other women around me cry and laugh I felt so connected to everyone. I had such a sense of this: that you and me, we are one.

That we are all one.

From being Alone comes All One. From a writer’s perspective the one thing that takes us from Alone to All one is the extra letter L. I like to think that extra L stands for LOVE, that which takes us from ALONE into ALL ONE is the LOVE

To all the women who supported me at the workshop yesterday, thank you

To the greater consciousness that is us, and that keeps me going, thank you

And especially to you who is reading this and supporting me, thank you

Have an extraordinary day, and wherever you are, may The Love find you



10 responses to “if i only could…but i can

  1. what to say…the ‘extra’ L sentence is beautiful. it’s all beautiful, and how great is it that you were able to process something so profound in the presence of supportive, loving women. i had a crying experience like that in a yoga class before i left canada – can’t describe it but it was amazing.

  2. You are LOVED! Your post took great courage.

    • thank you SO much. And thank you for always encouraging and supporting me. It means so much to me.
      Glad to see you are getting some play time on the golf course 🙂 x

  3. If only I could, but I can! There are no other better words for self assurance.

    One time or another we all experience a doubtful mind and feel so unworthy and worthless. And other times we look everywhere for contentment and happiness. Many times we forget that what we are looking for is not far away at all as it is in our very own self. Yes I can because I am as beautiful, smart, worthy and deserving as any body else!

    I’m so happy for your amazing experience. There are times when I also feel that it’s so hard to accept and love myself, but I will keep on learning:o)

    Thanks for the beautiful songs – especially Simon and Gerfunkel’s If I Could.

    • thank you Lois. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by such wonderful people like you, di and patrick on my blog who have such depth and insight into life. Thanks for sharing this with me and for reminding me of the one truth…that all that we seek ,we actually have already. Hugs from South AFrica to you xx

  4. We are all on the same journey. Just in different locations on the map. When things get weird we just have to stay positive and know there are people “out there” that love us…support us…and count on us to be there for them when the going gets tough. It’s so easy to lose sight of the incredibly awesome and wonderful things this “one life we have” has to offer. Just close your eyes…say a little prayer and realize we are all in this crazy thing we call “LIFE” together. I feel blessed that you stumbled on my little piece of blog real estate as well my special friend. Gid speed! K

  5. God speed…not Gid speed 🙂

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