sometimes, i can’t believe i made it here

As i lay in my bath this morning, a silver painted angel looking down on me, moroccan fig scent lingering above, i had a profound moment in which i it just hit me … i had gone beyond surviving in life and was now living it.

I am not sure when the shift happened, maybe it was in this minute that i realised it. 8 years ago, well…it was a very different life for me then.

today, as i lay in my tub i looked at a face cloth above me, given to me by a dear friend i had met while here, a pink buffer my mom had given me before i left my old home town, a small toothpaste a man i love in this time had given me.

Everything was telling such a loud story of how the healing happens even without you knowing.

i looked at the white blinds in my bathroom and remembered when i had saved enough money to buy them, and i looked at my little beautiful home, i had taken so for granted over the years, and realised just truly big it was to have this roof over my head, to have created a home.

along the way there have been so many interesting finds, unusual characters, fun-loving crazy times, but most of all there has been a sense of myself, more and more as the one year turned to 2 years turned to 8 years in my new life ‘post the pain’.

i came here to run away from my pain, but instead i came face to face with it. hissing and roaring and gnarling. It came up just when i thought i had run far enough from it.

And in facing the pain, the anger..you know all those traits we have that we like to think we don’t have, it appears, quite by chance, i have been able to create this lovely new life. the only thing i had to go on i the “dark days” was a slight hint that things would get better, that my life would be beautiful again.

everywhere i look today is a story of love and life. the box of love from friends next to my bed, a sun catcher in my bedroom, a wooden heart on a piece of string, crystals, the landline, my duvet cover, the art deco cabinet given to me by a friend. there are so many stories everywhere, and even if i am alone in this beautiful home. i am not really. everyone who has touched my life resides right here with me.

we never really discard anything along the way, in some shape or form they stay with us. I love my new life. And am so deeply humbled and in gratitude that i made it here .

fully alive.

thank you, thank you, thank you

Advertisements

6 responses to “sometimes, i can’t believe i made it here

  1. I loved your post…it reminded me of my own journey and reinforced my feelings of being ‘blessed’ as they say.

  2. one of the best i have read
    saw it
    felt it
    heard it
    smelled it
    and yes
    tasted it
    🙂

  3. souldiaries,
    Beautiful expression of a ‘thankful heart’, I really love these words and the message they carry, ‘ we never really discard anything along the way, in some shape or form they stay with us’, I find it so true, as I ponder it over.
    enjoyed my visit, Cheryl

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s