Tag Archives: anger

this too shall pass

tears streaming down, nightmares consume the dark hours. I’m running, trying to find Matthew , opening and closing doors, can’t find him. I wake up.

look at his fb page. read his messages. play his last voice message on watsapp to me. He’s laughing, teasing me.

I open my balcony doors, let the cold evening air hit me. breathe it in.

breathing is laboured. like walking through knee deep mud.

I want to scream, hit a wall, swear at the gods that did this. that have rendered me weak and powerless and who have broken my heart. who deemed their plan greater than mine. oh how I hate them in this moment. how could they violate me, violate my family. and get away with it. who can I fight with, which court can I take them to, who will see the trauma their actions have caused.

but I’m voiceless . disempowered .

there are no gods. i tell myself. matt made a choice. respect it. stop being selfish. let it go.

there’s a star in the dark sky. Im looking at it like I used to when I was a child. we used to say it’s my sister now long dead. but as i stand here, I know better now.

what I see is just a star. and people come and people go. and this pain too shall pass.

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whatcha gonna do? who ya gonna be?

Passively

i look at him aggresively

you cant forget what people do

when you’re vulnerable

when your soul is naked

and your heart is raw

when you need refuge

you wont forget the people who kicked you on the ground, left you hiding yourself in the gutter

and somehow forever indebted to the ones that offered even the slightest sign of affection

when you’re vulnerable you’l take it from anywhere and a crumb will seem like a big double layered chocolate laced cake

and all you’ve got to hold on to

is that warrior wo/man inside of you

you won’t forget what they did

so life toughens you up

and people toughen you more

till you’re operating like two different entities

the real you

and the masked you

but who sees the real you

who sees you when you’re vulnerable and raw

not him

nor him or him or him or her

the loneliness of life in part is created by how we treat each other when we are vuilnerable

that it is so scary to show your stuff to the world

is an indicment on the world

so do you stay in the gutter and say Thank You for the crumbs

or do you rise and say F**k You to the bullies, to tthe heartless, to the judges, even if they only live inside of you with their incessant words and actions that say Stay Down You’re not Good Enough

and if you rise

Warrior Wo/Man

WIl you remember your heart?

or will you become

him, him, him or her?