Tag Archives: blessings


today I have the baton
later mom
then dad
then nieces
then nephews
his mother
his father
as though we hold the space
for the other
to allow the tears to flow
don’t worry
it’s okay to cry
we miss him too
he’s not gone
it’s all a dream
hold on hold on
we comfort each other
knowing the baton may be ours
in a minute, a day, a week
bonded by loss
bonded by pain
bonded by love
bonded by memories
bonded by the understanding that our time here is short
holding on tight to each other
not wanting to let go
scared to lose what’s left behind

we miss you Math

(day 69. a journey into loss)


mourning/morning pages

imagebefore I cry or question why, let me lift my pen, as I sit here in my little den, and number, one by one, my blessings so clearly on display. #mourningpages

‘the pain is not here to hurt you, but to teach you’

It’s pitch black outside, i have had my first cup of coffee which i promised myself i wouldn’t have and am getting dressed. You know how some people have profound affects on your life. well i am getting dressed for one such person.

my nephew matthew. 20 years old. he is off to hospital for a biopsy on his heart to see if it is strong enough for an op he needs. he had a heart transplant when he was 8. matthew is one of those people born with the gift of seeing. he sees other people’s pain, very rarely his own. after his heart transplant, as he lay cut all the way down his chest, i asked him how he was doing. ‘i just want them to find a heart for my brother,’ is all he said. his older brother also needed a heart transplant.. His brother three months later had his heart transplant.

a few years later when i myself was walking a very dark and lonely path, at age 11,he got his older friend to drive to my home so that he could sit with me and let me know i was not alone. Such compassion and such depth, so young.

so many hours, so many days, spent in ICU, he has only ever once shown that he carries any pain, and in that moment, as he broke down, i realised just how brave he is and how strong he had been.

there is so much i can say about math, about the lessons he has taught me, but right now i have to get to the hospital to be with him. i know i am blessed to walk this path with him.

If you’re reading this, can you send him some of the love and the miracle he needs today. thank you xxx

and to all the organ donors out there, from my family to you, thank you.

it is truly the gift of life, precious, beautiful, achy, happy life