Tag Archives: gratitude




Love comes in so many guises
I went home this weekend
Got on a plane Sunday morning
It was Father’s Day
I wanted to surprise my parents
Arrived home to find dad ill
Refusing hospitalization
‘I can’t leave my wife’
My mom, softer gentler
That night I sat on the bed with them
They’ve never been a touchy feely couple
62 years married
I looked up and saw this, two hands intertwined
Two people who’ve spent their lives together
Holding on
I love you mom and dad
Hold on


mourning/morning pages

imagebefore I cry or question why, let me lift my pen, as I sit here in my little den, and number, one by one, my blessings so clearly on display. #mourningpages

100% you

there is a beautiful quote but I cannot remember who said it, nor its exact words but the gist of it is this:

“I trust everyone 100 percent to be who they are, and not necessariy who I want them to be”

It’s beautiful. It gives me empaghy for everyone. And gratitude for those who play the parts they do that are not always ones that endear them to others.

It allows me, also, to be more grateful to to the man at the morgue. he was just playing his part.

PS: If you know the correct quote I would love to have it. Thank you so much


while at the beautician today……

inside of me lives this field

i was there


a mossy green field,

i spied  it

in my mind’s eye

from beyond a grassy green gate

and on the field

all the people

i had ever loved

it started with the dead ones first

and then grew and grew to

family and friends from past and present

you were there too.

inside of me lives this field

and i can go there

anytime i need to,

why don’t you come

and be there with me too…

the man in the wheelchair

oh cruel aching beating heart wretched in all its ways who has bestowed on me this human body from which’t i cant escape. limited to the nth degree rolling from space to place, oh god why have you forsaken me now, whenst i needed you so.

i’m so tired i can’t keep my eyes open but i wanted to tell you about a tree….

I am a secret tree hugger.

i wasn’t going to tell anyone but i just couldn’t keep it to myself any longer.

every time i walk past an old tree i have an urge to sidle up to it and then wrap my arms around it.

i was suggesting to a young friend that he should try hug a tree.

how does it feel to hug a tree? he asked. well, i said, rather flirtatiously (although I think that went right over his head), it feels like when i hug you, very very very amazing. like there is so much energy being exchanged between you and the tree and then it feels like the tree hugs you back.

The truth is, is that it does feel pretty much like that, it could be all the oxygen you get when you get so close to mother nature in her brown and green finest.

Today during a short lunch break  i took to the streets and just couldn’t help myself, as cars streamed past and people busily walked past, i stopped and flung my arms around an old tree. it was quite remarkable how i immediately started to feel better, it was like mainlining on good energy,, as though the stresses of my work were just washing off of me. i am really grateful to the city that it has planted trees all over.

And then people who were walking past started to smile and make jokes. One man even asked if he could go next. it was as though in a busy city my crazy gesture had made others stop and, metaphorically speaking, hug a tree (smell the roses etc).

Of course it helps that in Cape Town you are allowed to be a bit weird, (how  no one saw this as a sbig cream for help from an overstressed woman i have no idea 🙂 instead i think they merely saw it as a shoowaaa moment probably hyped up by lay lines and the mystical effect of the mountain that stares down at us).

I walked on further and came to Company Gardens where i found even more trees to hug and love and who hugged and loved me back. (okay this is beginning to sound weird, but it’s a true story)

here are a glimpse of the trees i got up close and personal with in the Gardens.(weirder and weirder 🙂

bit of a blurry pic of a very old tree who gave me so much love todaya very hugable tree


a very hugable tree


when i went back to the office, the whole energy changed and the rest of the day was do-able.

so next time you think you just cant take anymore instead of going to your doc and getting a script for some pills, hug a tree, it is like one big happy pill to an overstressed body and mind.

i like to think the tree enjoys me hugging it, but it hasnt said yet….

(ps i’ve missed all of you, a BIG hug to you too)xx

‘the pain is not here to hurt you, but to teach you’

It’s pitch black outside, i have had my first cup of coffee which i promised myself i wouldn’t have and am getting dressed. You know how some people have profound affects on your life. well i am getting dressed for one such person.

my nephew matthew. 20 years old. he is off to hospital for a biopsy on his heart to see if it is strong enough for an op he needs. he had a heart transplant when he was 8. matthew is one of those people born with the gift of seeing. he sees other people’s pain, very rarely his own. after his heart transplant, as he lay cut all the way down his chest, i asked him how he was doing. ‘i just want them to find a heart for my brother,’ is all he said. his older brother also needed a heart transplant.. His brother three months later had his heart transplant.

a few years later when i myself was walking a very dark and lonely path, at age 11,he got his older friend to drive to my home so that he could sit with me and let me know i was not alone. Such compassion and such depth, so young.

so many hours, so many days, spent in ICU, he has only ever once shown that he carries any pain, and in that moment, as he broke down, i realised just how brave he is and how strong he had been.

there is so much i can say about math, about the lessons he has taught me, but right now i have to get to the hospital to be with him. i know i am blessed to walk this path with him.

If you’re reading this, can you send him some of the love and the miracle he needs today. thank you xxx

and to all the organ donors out there, from my family to you, thank you.

it is truly the gift of life, precious, beautiful, achy, happy life